I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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