A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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