i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
