you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
