I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
a search helicopter?!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
