im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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