I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
