Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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