At least make sure they are 18
Why
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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