the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
