Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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