I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
