I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
