Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mom said you looked used
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
