can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
