he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize