the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
