I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
