flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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