Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
