I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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