I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
