Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
