I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
