i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
