I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
