u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Porn is love you can see.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
