Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
