i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
