I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
