but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
