Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
