Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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