I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
