McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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