i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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