It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
