TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
