I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
