I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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