It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
