well I can't set my house on fire every night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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