Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
