so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
