hell yes lets make some ravioli
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
