Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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