Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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