Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She told me I should be a condom model.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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