i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
