I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
