there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
