I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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