I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There r osticjed everywhere
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
