also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
