We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
