You smell like stripper and shame
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
