There was a lot of him and a little penis
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
