I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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