Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
