I'm going to jail i love you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
