Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
