Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
