I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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