Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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