Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
