Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
