I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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