Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
