if i can run in heels then i can drive
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
