I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
